tech.ni.color

My Drunk Tumbling

Like My Drunk Kitchen, except more depressing.

And the read more tag never works.

EXCEPT IT DID THIS TIME.

I’m starting to think that I’m not in love with you, I’m just in love with the idea of you.  Honestly, that’s why I hate bonnie so much. She had the perfect you. She had the boyfriend that would literally do anything for her and loved her more than anything. But she was willing to ruin it by blowing some douche she didn’t even know because she’s a whore.

But because of that, I get this you. The you that’s emotionless. The you that said that you would never cheat on me because you would lose all of your friends, not because, you know, you cared about me or my well-being or any of that.  The you that was too busy playing Halo to send a goddamn text message to your girlfriend who was waiting for hours to see what the hell she was going to do because we were supposed to hang out but you didn’t give a flying fuck.

That’s the you I have.

And maybe, just maybe, I realized this, and that’s not the you that I want.  Maybe that’s not the you I ever wanted.  Maybe you filled my head with stories of how you were, and that may have been the you I expected in a relationship, and instead I get the normal basement-dweller behavior that I’ve had from every. Fucking. Deadbeat I’ve tried to pull out of their fucking hole.  And maybe I just can’t handle it anymore.

And maybe I’m finally tired of feeling insecure because of the accidental seeds you planted in my head about your gorgeous, perfect ex before we were even dating, and I’ve finally seen the light. I’m actually pretty fucking awesome.

And maybe I’m starting to feel like I’m wasting it on you.

And Dennis and Keenan, if you’re reading this and you tell Ryan, I will fucking end you. I am not even joking.